Dreams. Ya they are cool and all, but come on! They kinda suck. I hate when I have those dreams that are just so pleasant and beautiful then you have to go through the entire dream decoding process. Most dream decoding suggests that whatever happens in your dream usually results in the opposite in reality. So there. We can say farewell to the promise of that one perfect dream. But then that brings up a whole extra list of questions. What about the bad dreams? What about the dreams that start off bad, but end up okay? Is there anyway we can actually decode these things?
I had a dream last night. In the dream,my game was on. Boys were blowing up my phone. Next thing you know, an individual came back to me explaining all the reasons why I should allow them back into my life. Now this pissed me off. I yelled at the individual numerous times. I simply said all the things I needed to say. The dream then ended with a raging storm and a huge tree fell on my church. HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO UNDERSTAND THIS?!
Maybe that’s the whole purpose of dreams: to keep you wanting more. They don’t care if they confuse you. They don’t give a rip about your feelings. They just want to keep you guessing.
But I guess that’s how life is. It’s unpredictable, sometimes a little harsh, and always always hard to understand. Maybe then we should stop worry and stop trying to decode everything. The meaning of it all will eventually find us.
I’m up at 2 am. I’m praying some Sex and the City episodes come on. If you know sex and the city then you’ll understand this. If you don’t, at least try to. You see in Sex and the City there is this one character known as “Mr. Big”. He is this gorgeous, charming man who has been in and out of Carrie’s life for too many seasons it seems like. He’s complicated, can be a player, afraid of commitment, and all the other complex things a man can be. But in the end…*SPOILER ALERT* she ends up with him. She made it through with him, for him. Despite all the damage that happens in their roller coaster romance, they were together in the end. After all their hard work, they worked it out.
This got me thinking. What if we are all just too annoyed with our own “Mr. Big” to realize his full potential? What if we are just being foolish in even believing that our “Mr. Big” will ever turn around? When do we finally draw the line with our Mr. Big and how do we keep him from crossing it? When do we give up on our Mr. Big?
When does our Mr. Big become too big of a problem?
Now don’t get excited. Its not thee guy. The produce guy in my local Basha’s grocery store. As usual, my mom sent me off to get a bunch of stuff for dinner tonight. So for tonight’s recipe, she needed two cloves of garlic. Well that’s besides the point. Anyways, there was this guy there. He was probably too old for me- like late 20s. He probably liked produce too much, IDK. But he was talking to this sweet little old lady and helping her find the items she needed. He made small talk with her explaining how he liked putting onions on his salad (which I think is gross, but oh well). The little old lady laughed and you could tell she was having a great time grocery shopping (which is hard to do). This got me thinking (which is never good) that that is the kind of guy I need. Not specifically a Produce Man, but the guy who can talk to others, care for others, and make others day a little easier. Just a nice boy that will love me and all the others in my life.
Maybe I am finally getting signs, Maybe I am just getting desperate.
Today (while curling my hair) I got to thinking about something that quite inspired me. You see, I’ve grown up in a great, loving household, but one thing I never seem to find in all my growing years is the idea that i can do what no one else can do or I should go after my dreams no matter how crazy they are, and I should simply trust I’ll end up exactly where I need to be. Now please don’t get me wrong. I am not saying my family never encouraged me or anything of that sort. I’m just saying that it was never really planted in me that I could really do something extraordinary. I understand that not every kid should really be told to do anything they can dream of! Who knows? Maybe some kids dreaming the next Al Capone? Or even worse, the next Obama? I am just saying that this sort of dream should really be instilled in those with the drive. And I believe in all of our gut instincts we can recognize those kids. I hope to believe I am one of them.
My father loves all things practical. The nurses, the teachers- You know, the jobs that will always be around. That’s just who he is and some would argue that this is the wisest route to take. But this makes me go back to the classic (and somewhat cliche) examples of things like what if Bill Gates just settled and became a computer lab teacher even though he clearly wanted to impact the world in a different way? I can tell you one thing. He wouldn’t be happy. He obviously wouldn’t be as rich. But, most importantly, He wouldn’t be fulfilling what great dreams that in his heart he knew he could reach.
I’m not saying we are all just awaiting to discover the next Microsoft. I’m just saying I think our world (and especially our generation) has become slightly confused. We have allowed the words practical and possible to generate the same definition. All things are possible. All dreams, goals, and desires can be reached. And that doesn’t mean it is supposed to be practical. I feel like the word practical limits our minds. It makes us downsize. It allows to think we should only do half the work. I think if we go about our dreams and lives this way then we will only be unsatisfied. We will like forever with the great shoulda, coulda, wouldas.
Whether your dream is to be a teacher, journalist, artist, wedding planner, or business man: IT IS POSSIBLE
So go after it.
We are all too inspiring, too driven, and too unique to settle for just the practical. The world is ours; everything is possible.
People think that if you’re that kind of girl that keeps holding on forever then you must be strong. I think that is because one of the worst feelings is when a girl may realize she was used or lied to. Then again (I guess) this is when we see some girls keeping ahold of their broken fairy tale dream.
These girls can be identified as loving or loyal. But do they really hold these attributes that are tied to their name? Can we still present them with “loving” if they are not really loving themselves? Can we still applaud them for being loyal to someone even if they are not being loyal to the plan for their lives?ARE THEY REALLY THE STRONG ONES?
From what I have seen, these girls are not actually holding on to these people that are hurting them- they are holding on to the dream. The dream that maybe someday there will be change. The dream that maybe someday fate will be on her side. Now trust me, I am all for believing in dreams, but when the dream involves changing someone then I think we are all being foolish. If the things you are trying to change are part of who they are then it will never happen.
So I have come to this conclusion. The ones who desperately keep their grip are not the ones who are strong. The strength belongs to the girls who find the courage to realize how they have mistreated and from there they decide they deserve better. It’s not in the holding on, but the letting go.
Anything you write after I am is simply a concept. So choose what comes after it carefully.I am successful. I am fulfilled.I am amazing. I am late. I am in trouble. I am enlightened. I am yours. Etc.Anything after I am will only give you power if you worship it. For example, fulfillment doesn’t exist outside the body. You are who decides if you are fulfilled or not. Saying I am fulfilled is a start, but it is the practice and devotion to that affirmation that amplifies it. For weeks this spring I was devoted to I am sad. I am wrong. I am incomplete. I am not fully expressed. And while none of those things are true unless I believe them to be, my resistance to being love only brought more pain and lethargy.Finally, with a little help from my friends, classical music, cleansing, exercise, acceptance, and lots of prayer, that which shifts all thoughts back to love, I can finally say I’m on a much clearer path to health and happiness.I am healthy.I am happiness.I am alive.I am. It was a close call too. I don’t think I’d ever been as deep in the storm before. I am grateful for treading in such dark waters and I’m committed to never going back. No healer has ever healed without having healed himself first. No believer has ever believed as strongly without first testing his beliefs. And no lover has truly loved without having loved another and let go.I’m not afraid to let go anymore. If it looks to others like I did something wrong, made bad choices, acted selfishly, or fearful, then so what. I can say, to you I am wrong. I am selfish. etc. Big deal. Stick and stones may break my bones but I choose not to give those thoughts a home. When I am sad I will simply be grateful for the sadness as it is a gift, a miracle in fact, to experience this powerful emotion, trusting the pendulum swings both ways; embracing all of life in it’s awkward perfection. I would never tattoo ‘I am sad’ on my body so why would I dwell on it in the mind? I am awesome, however, will make a great tattoo.I am honored. I am humbled.I am happy.I am.