Exactly Here

Psalm 145:8
The Lord is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger and great in mercy.

Why worry? If you’ve done the very best you can, worrying won’t make it any better. 

- walt disney 

I am that girl. You know, the one who consistently doesn’t feel as if she can measure up to the friend right beside her. Let’s face it; I am just like every girl. 

I have begun to wonder what places this discomfort inside within us. Surely, people can trace it back in history and point here, here, and here where we began to realize that others must be better than who we are. And while this is completely valid I think it is absolutely vital that we discover what first added fuel to the fire in our own lives. After all they say those childhood memories have shaped who you are today.

So this where the horror story begins. 

I guess my first memory of this was in fourth grade. I was super in love with this boy. I mean, honestly, every girl was in love with this one boy. Anywho, it was valentines day and I had finally worked up the courage to give him a valentine with some chocolate. On the bottom of the package I wrote in my swirly, elementary 4th grader handwriting, “I love you”. I was pretty gutsy at this age. I slipped him the package. He proceeded to read and look thoroughly, but then gave it to another girl as a valentine. The girl (who I definitely remember the name, but will choose not to say) was on cloud 9 while I was devastated. It was from that moment on I knew I would never be that girl. I would always be second best. 

As I grew, I ran into several different “debbie downers” that would easily correlate with these emotions. I remember I was a part of this acting agency and I wanted to audition in front of some big time people, but I was 5 pounds over the required weight to get the audition. I was in 6th grade. I didn’t get the chance. Throughout middle school and high school, I had a multitude of experiences just as any girl would. At the end of high school, I became friends with a guy who did a perfect job at taking all of these fears and pressing them into my mind weekly or maybe even daily. He knew my weaknesses, my fears, and my insecurities. He took that to his full advantage. Maybe he did these things without even knowing, but I refuse to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Long story short. That has been my experience with the issue and as you can see, it has touched a great portion of my life. Actually I think for the human race, especially girls, it has touched a great portion of everyone’s lives. Whether it be grades, looks, money, clothes, etc. We have always been taught to be/look/have the best of the best. While we may be told it is good to have this competition, it is producing nothing fruitful, but rather destroying the plentiful harvest that we have at the deepest, most unique parts of us. We are not all going to be the best at the same things. In fact, wouldn’t that make the world awfully boring? Instead, we have rooted within us these great ideas and plans that no one else can make happen except you. As Dr. Suess said, “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is youer than you”.

I am that girl. You know, the one with her a specific purpose, perspective, and passion. Let’s face it; I am just like every girl. 

“”Many women have done wonderful things, 
   but you’ve outclassed them all!”
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. 
   The woman to be admired and praised 
   is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves! 
   Festoon her life with praises!”

Proverbs 31: 29-31

I am def. that girl who has been personally subscribed to wedding magazines since she was about 16. Or maybe younger.