I am that girl. You know, the one who consistently doesn’t feel as if she can measure up to the friend right beside her. Let’s face it; I am just like every girl.
I have begun to wonder what places this discomfort inside within us. Surely, people can trace it back in history and point here, here, and here where we began to realize that others must be better than who we are. And while this is completely valid I think it is absolutely vital that we discover what first added fuel to the fire in our own lives. After all they say those childhood memories have shaped who you are today.
So this where the horror story begins.
I guess my first memory of this was in fourth grade. I was super in love with this boy. I mean, honestly, every girl was in love with this one boy. Anywho, it was valentines day and I had finally worked up the courage to give him a valentine with some chocolate. On the bottom of the package I wrote in my swirly, elementary 4th grader handwriting, “I love you”. I was pretty gutsy at this age. I slipped him the package. He proceeded to read and look thoroughly, but then gave it to another girl as a valentine. The girl (who I definitely remember the name, but will choose not to say) was on cloud 9 while I was devastated. It was from that moment on I knew I would never be that girl. I would always be second best.
As I grew, I ran into several different “debbie downers” that would easily correlate with these emotions. I remember I was a part of this acting agency and I wanted to audition in front of some big time people, but I was 5 pounds over the required weight to get the audition. I was in 6th grade. I didn’t get the chance. Throughout middle school and high school, I had a multitude of experiences just as any girl would. At the end of high school, I became friends with a guy who did a perfect job at taking all of these fears and pressing them into my mind weekly or maybe even daily. He knew my weaknesses, my fears, and my insecurities. He took that to his full advantage. Maybe he did these things without even knowing, but I refuse to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Long story short. That has been my experience with the issue and as you can see, it has touched a great portion of my life. Actually I think for the human race, especially girls, it has touched a great portion of everyone’s lives. Whether it be grades, looks, money, clothes, etc. We have always been taught to be/look/have the best of the best. While we may be told it is good to have this competition, it is producing nothing fruitful, but rather destroying the plentiful harvest that we have at the deepest, most unique parts of us. We are not all going to be the best at the same things. In fact, wouldn’t that make the world awfully boring? Instead, we have rooted within us these great ideas and plans that no one else can make happen except you. As Dr. Suess said, “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is youer than you”.
I am that girl. You know, the one with her a specific purpose, perspective, and passion. Let’s face it; I am just like every girl.
""Many women have done wonderful things, but you’ve outclassed them all!” Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!”
"Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why:
I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.’
“Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’”
“The grace of God means something like: Here is your life. You might never have been, but you are because the party wouldn’t have been complete without you. Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid. I am with you. Nothing can ever separate us. It’s for you I created the universe. I love you. There’s only one catch. Like any other gift, the gift of grace can be yours only if you’ll reach out and take it. Maybe being able to reach out and take it as a gift too.”—
Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God’s Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.
It’s not at all fanciful for me to think this way about you. My prayers and hopes have deep roots in reality. You have, after all, stuck with me all the way from the time I was thrown in jail, put on trial, and came out of it in one piece. All along you have experienced with me the most generous help from God. He knows how much I love and miss you these days. Sometimes I think I feel as strongly about you as Christ does!
So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.
I’ve been thinking about the future. What’ll take place? Will I graduate in 4 years? Will I go to grad school? Will I ever get married? When will that be? And please Lord, have my niece be the only baby I’m near for like the next 10 years.
Maybe this applies to guys too, but I only known this girl point of view.
It’s likes our whole lives everything is based on emotions. We want to be happy, we want to be content, we want to feel loved, we want to be desirable,….we want all these thing centered around how we feel.
But the weird thing is when it comes to our future (or at least MY future), I am basing everything off of concrete facts. I want to know FOR SURE I will be successful (in whatever way that will be). I want to know FOR SURE I am going to have the most beautiful, well planned wedding to the my dearest man I love. I want to know FOR SURE my major will be worth something. I want to know FOR SURE that everything in life will go up from here.
Why is this? Because we’re scared?
Yes, in fact, I am terrified in the most excited way possible.
I have a lot of ambitions that I am chasing after. I want to experience life, try new things, instill passion in others, find passions within myself, but,
most of all, I just want to change the way people look at one another.
Why? Well let me explain. Above is a picture of me at my kindergarten graduation with some of the most pivotal people in my life. The woman is my grandma. She probably looks like/ dresses like yours, right? This woman was a consistent character in my story when I was younger. She was the grandma that was there for all the big events, she was the grandma that was there for the small milestones, and she was the grandma that was there in the moments between. Long story short, she decided to trade in her life for a new one with all new people and all new reasons for living. The man next to her is my dear Papa. He was everything. After a many years, my grandma decided to walk away. He was the man who experienced incredible heartache. Heartache and loneliness that I could never bear. Lastly, the man next to me is my Uncle Danny (or as I call him, my Uncle D). He was my best friend. He had a tough life. Always getting by and always fighting addiction.
You may look at this picture and judge. You may look at this story and judge. But these people and the trials they have worked through and the mistakes they may have made has forever impacted my life.
They gave me a new perspective on life. They showed me to never judge someone by how they look or even what they are going through. They exemplified to me how everyone needs love, someone to believe in them, and everyone needs God. Because this is a great, big, complex world and without truth and His deliverance we are nothing, but lost.
I know these people were placed into my story so I can take this knowledge and spread it as far as I can. Because if I just sit and stay here with the beautiful realization that everyone deserves a chance to teach you something then there are so many lessons that you will fail to learn. You can’t learn everything from the man behind the pulpit or the woman at the end of the pew. You must get out there. You must give everyone a chance (even those who seem rough around the edges). God didn’t say “stay”, He said “GO”.
I am thankful for the One who gives me a choice, but still loves me when I choose the wrong way. I am thankful for the One and the mysterious, powerful ways He is continuously working. I am thankful that even when I feel that He is not near, He indeed is right there and loving me more than ever.
I am thankful for the boy who gives me new perspective and hope. I am thankful for this boy who has taught me to forgive and forget, love unconditionally, and never drift away from the great plans that are in store for me. I am thankful for this boy who loves me and treats me the way I should be treated. I am thankful for this boy who I can laugh with and beat him in video games. I am thankful for this boy who believes in me more than I feel anyone does.
I am thankful for new friends and the new experiences they offer. I am thankful for my loving 2nd mom and the ways she continuously makes me laugh. I am thankful for her guidance and dependability. I am thankful for her tolerance of my jokes and I am thankful for her welcoming heart. I am thankful for the artsy, coffee addict friend I made from the start. I am thankful for our similarities. I am thankful for her “old soul” - strong, gracious, and generous. I am thankful for my friend from sports authority. I am thankful to have proof that truly anyone can be friends because I am quite the opposite of her. I am thankful for our differences. I am thankful for her willingness to step up. I am thankful for her wisdom. I am thankful for my friend who has a last name that I never dare to try to pronounce. I am thankful for her spark, passion, and drive. I am thankful for her ability to give hope. I am thankful for the laughter we share. I am thankful for my friend who is the spitting image of snow white. I am thankful for princess like qualities- poise, a tender heart, and warm spirit. I am thankful for her honesty and her humor.
I am thankful for the old friends I still hold onto dearly. I am thankful for their acceptance of my mistakes. I am thankful for their desire to know me still. I am more thankful for them then I let them see or know.
I am thankful for the ones who came and went. I am thankful for the time I had with them. I am thankful for the good times because those will be forever engraved in my heart along with the memories of all they did for me. I am thankful for the bad times because if they never took place I would not be who I am today. I am thankful for learning when enough is enough. I am thankful for listening to what my heart had to say rather than the voice beside me.
I am thankful for my family. I am thankful beyond measure for this. I am thankful for new life and the memory of those who have passed on. I am thankful that I still feel those who passed’s presence. I am thankful for their growing support.